didnt blog last night..was dead tired when i got home..even after bathing..so slept..anyway..yesterday woke up at 8 for work..then work till 3..went belle hse while she take her stuff..then left..i went my sir's hse..cool..he just moved in..senerary is good,hse is cool..there's like ..whole shelf of music books and score..stunted..it's like a library there la..i didnt stay for long..headed to clementi mrt to take mrt to amk..super sleepy but..somehow..couldnt sleep..rushed to hub to meet with my family and uncle to watch avatar..super nice..feel like watching again..i had hot dog and ice lemon tea for dinner..slept straight after i bath..woke up late today..watched some drama disc for the whole day..i was too tired to go out again...

nothing much today..spent time at home..watched one old disc,practiced piano and guitar..tried to take a video..i realised i get nervous even when i'm recording myself=.=" is tat normal?sigh..went esplanade today.cuz my sister wanted to watch some ballet thing.so my family went there to walk walk while waiting for her..i like it there..today got some performance outside..nice~it's neither band nor chior..it's i dunno how to say...a band?with electric guitar and drum set and bass guitar and singer that kind la..i realised..maybe tat's the path for me.playing music with no stress..it's simple..yet..i dunno..sigh..oh well..i enjoyed that performance..walked ard..saw sir dining with his friends?haha..he went to watched band fest.

as expected..i screwed up today..made so many ppl disappointed and gave them so much trouble..hui sian,chris,xing hao,sir and so on..i'm sorry.
to belle,sorry i didnt turn up.i let you down as well.
sir asked me to call him just now.about 8plus plus.we talked for 38.04mins.actually is he talked.i didnt talk much but cry.realised wad i coward i was hiding at home and not facing my problems.he told me so much.and i dunno why he somehow understand my way of music.the part tat i feel tat music shd be simple and just to enjoy.did he read my blog too?...anyway..he told me tat music is complicated..he had his reasons..you must know wad the composer is trying to say.in order to do tat,you must do wadever he says..wadever he written..every single details..sir is right about wad he said..now,i realised how little i know about music..frankly speaking,i dunno a single thing.but i wont back out this time.i will learn.from whoever is willing to teach..
and again,sorry...

went piano lesson early morning today.finish at 10.went home to sleep more.haha..went mcb at 2pm.saw mr ng there.quite surprised..so yup..warmed up in store room then join the band..quite boring today..worked on sound of music,huntingdon celebration,and the dunno wad.sounds like march tat one la..i enjoyed band prac today..told samuel some articultation thing today.hopefully he rmb..yup.then went dinner with nic and rox..then rush to guitar lesson..shoik ah..i'm touching music like...every hour other than sleeping..wonder whether i can live a day without it..haha..today Nlvl result come out..now i'm so excited about Olvl result..but..wad's there to be excited bout..i'm goin cjc anyway...tmr is a troublesome..i hope i dun screw it up..
sometimes in life,it's better to keep the good sweet memories than to go back,have it back again but destroy it..i'm so hesitant now..shd i,or shd i not..waited for four years for this chance..
anyway,HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHU WEN,my first junior.haha.i have to make myself clear.my FIRST junior..and i'm so so sorry i almost forgot..>.<

really dunno i shd post today anot..so damm pissed..i didnt even have appetite to eat my lunch..and i tried to sleep..hoping i could forget this morning..and the thing was,i thought i slept..but in my mind..i was thinking of the rhythm of the stupid song..like dreaming or something..it's so bloody stupid!i almost wanted to knock my head against the wall..sigh..i wasted the day trying to sleep..all i could think of is band..
why am i doin for the sake of doing?!this isnt my way of playing music at all..all this..is just a waste of time..

ok..many things today..so..i shd start slowly..this morning woke up at 7 plus.had piano lesson at 8am..siao right?but no choice i was busy today..then headed to work at 9.30am..i finish piano lesson at 9am btw..yup..belle woke up late..good thing we wasnt really late..so work work work..until bout 3pm..of course,i had lunch in between work..yup..so headed home..slept..i needed to sleep before any performance or concert and stuff..it's a habit..i'm afraid tat i might fall asleep..haha..then woke up at 5..mum help me cut hair..then bathed,eat,prepare and headed to raffles hotel for musical..saw many ppl there..teachers,blah blah blah..waited for beverly cuz nicolette bought her tickets with mine so tat we get can get a 'sort of" discount of $2..dots..i would rather buy it myself..the $2 almost made me late..then went in, searched for seats..wen jie called me over..yup i sat behind him and jing xiang..a corner seat..sigh..then it start...
first stop,li kiong-.-
played two of his compositions..i shd say..it sounded the same..as usual..he made mistake..so obvious tat i could hear..sigh..i thought he shd be better than this..cuz that's the only thing a admire him..his confidence..but..i didnt see that tonight..a pity..really..
then musical start..lynn was the first to go..well..good good..not bad..but the spot light abit..shaky..haha..
then well..mistake here and there..i think they're nervous..but the cool thing was they, the dancers, could get back in time before you knew it..like..jia qi..she started the moves early..but she was able to follow just by doing it again..something cool..i could never do that..i mean..in music of course..
alright..now..the live music..sigh..SIGH!!
let's see..we got a flatten oboe,a wrong-timed bass clarinet,a too-soft violinist..then clarinet..sounded like saxophone..wonder whether tat's a good thing..pianist,the composer,made mistake..i think was becuz of the lightings..it's too dark..wiston wont make such stupid mistakes..i couldnt hear the glockenspiel!!a pity..the music was abit screwed..doesnt fit the dance..shd give more emotions!tell the audience wad the dancer is feeling!especially the part where amanda was dancing!
yup..tat's all..finish i mean..then everyone headed out..i met the back stage crew..haha..told them everything..then yea..talk talk talk..ms mok scolded me..saying i back out of the musical..but hey..wiston is there lei..he's like 50 times better than me..i'm just a nobody..and..i'm glad i didnt go..alright..to me,best dancer tonight was winteng!2nd..maybe lynn..i not too sure though..i'm not a dancer..but i learn abit tonight..emotions meant everything..so yup..i headed home alone tonight..thinking hard..
anway..tough day tmr..i better sleep soon..

alright.haven been posting lately..well..doin my own stuff..dun wanna talk bout..finally goin for dental appointment this week..haven go for a month!sigh..